From the Book 'The Search for the Perfect Woman'
An Ongoing Weekly Series!
This week's Rusty Goat Story
Dazed and Confused
It felt like a lightening bolt surged through my entire body and my knees grew weak as I placed my hand on the back of her head, drawing her to me. We kissed passionately in the moonlight for what seemed like an eternity...and suddenly it happened. It wasn't something I thought out and it certainly wasn't planned.
I suddenly pulled away and stared into her eyes and it just fell out of my mouth,
"So, you think I'm that easy? That I'm just some man-slut! That's not me...that's those other jerks in that bar. It's not what I'm all about... and if you knew me well enough to sleep with me, you'd know that." I paused briefly, "I'm better than that."
Sammi's mouth fell wide open as she stared at me in disbelief. I decided I'd said everything there was to say and turned on my heel and quickly headed to my pickup leaving the beautiful brunette alone...dazed and confused. She wasn't the only one. Confusion ran through my mind as I pulled myself inside the pickup. What brought that on? Deep down I knew...she wasn't the woman I was searching for...not even close... so why go there. As I headed down the deserted road toward my little ranch outside of town, I was pretty convinced I would never hear from the girl again.
I woke up Sunday morning still dazed and confused. I laid in bed and stared at the ceiling. What the hell had I been thinking? Sammi was right at the top of the list of 'most beautiful women' I ever had a shot at...and I shot her down. The word 'IDIOT' kept crossing my mind, then it dawned on me. Had it gone the other way, I would have woke up with the same word banging around in my little brain. Getting all tangled up in someone else's sheets sounds great on a Saturday night, but waking up that next morning in those same tangled sheets had always left me exactly the way I was feeling right now...uh-huh, dazed and confused.
I stumbled around with the coffee pot searching for my cigarettes, finally settling into my recliner with coffee that was way too strong and a cigarette that tasted like the bar smelled the night before. I popped open my laptop and checked out the events on Facebook ...and spotted Tammi online.
"What's up Tammi girl?"
"hey you! good morning! how's your weekend going?"
Yeah...no, lets don't go there. We chatted for a bit and I just popped it off,
"In the mood for a chicken fry at the Texas Roadhouse. Wanna eat dinner with me?"
"yes that sounds good. you ARE buying, aren't you?"
I've known for a long time that those lights in the bar have that magical effect on women. They all just look great in the dark with a hint of neon flashing across their faces. I had only seen Tammi in the bar up to this point, and the smoke and mirrors had done her justice. I spotted her the moment I stepped inside the restaurant, her back turned toward me as she eyed the steaks in the meat case. I immediately recognized her cute little butt and that strawberry blonde hair that hung midway down her back. I walked up behind her and placed my hands on her shoulders. She turned around and I was taken back momentarily...the restaurant lighting was not so kind. When us fellas are talking amongst ourselves, we would describe her as being 'rode hard and put up wet.' A kinder description would probably be 'lived a hard life?' I had to have a pep talk with myself as the hostess guided us to our table...beauty is only skin deep? We seated ourselves at the table and began chit-chatting. I loved those sky blue eyes, I told myself then told myself...try harder! I was finding myself even more dazed and confused. Coulda been sitting here with that bombshell Sammi...listening to her never-ending ramblings that never made sense.
Within a few minutes I found myself engaged in good conversation with Tammi. We were very much at ease in each other's company and when our meal arrived, we found ourselves so caught up in talking that neither of us were having much luck eating our dinner. I was so absorbed that I was completely unaware that my phone was buzzing.
"Your phone is ringing. Aren't you going to get it?" Tammi smiled and stared at me with her sky blue eyes.
"Ah heck, it's a text...probably my daughter. She's just about the only person that ever sends me texts." I grabbed my phone from its holder on my hip and glanced...OMG! It was Sammi!
'thought you would call me today. we need to talk.' I stuck the phone back on my hip.
"Well, aren't you going to reply? You look worried...is everything ok?"
"Oh...yeah, everything is good. I'll catch her later. It takes me forever to text..not really my cup of tea. Which, by the way, would you maybe reconsider the 'facebookin' thing? I really hate to try to talk to you that way. There's just so...so many damn cows and chickens on Facebook."
Tammi giggled, "You mean the farmville freaks? I'm one of those, too. You can hide all those farmville posts, ya know." She grinned and jotted her number on a napkin, "I really meant it when I said I really don't need a man calling all the time, but I suppose you can text me. Sounds like you need the practice."
My phone buzzed again and I saw Tammi watching...so I glanced at it.
'I cried all night and am still crying. please talk to me.'
I shook my head before I caught myself. Tammi smiled and said,
"Well, I suppose I should get home. I need to feed my dog anyway."
"So you have a dog?"
She laughed, "I have three dogs, but I was talking about my farmville dog. I have to feed him at a certain time everyday or he'll die."
I paid the bill and walked Tammi to her pickup. She unlocked her door and turned toward me and put her arms around my shoulders,
"Thanks very much for dinner. You are very sweet." Then she gave me one of her now famous grandma kisses and hopped in the truck.
Just as I turned to head toward my own truck, the cell phone buzzed again.
'you don't know what this is doing to me. i am so humiliated.'
I sat in my truck, and looking to be sure Tammi had drove off, I dialed Sammi's number...
(Fifteen minutes later)
I rang the doorbell outside the upscale townhouse located in the upscale part of the city. Within five seconds the door opened and there stood Sammi in a very sheer black negligee. A tiny white robe was draped around her shoulders...I noticed immediately that it was covering nothing more than her shoulders and my first instinct was to reach over and tie it for her. Instead, I stepped inside and took her in my arms...
Sammi buried her face in my chest and let out a couple of little sobs, then wiped the tears from her eyes and looked up into mine.
"Thank you for coming over. I've been so depressed today. I feel...(sob...sniffle)...like a slut putting myself out there like I did last night. I feel cheap and dirty."
I took her by the hand and guided her to a sofa and we sat down. She buried her head in my chest again and waited for me to say something. I struggled momentarily for the right words and when I couldn't find them, said exactly the wrong words,
"Baby...it's not you," I paused knowing what I was fixing to say was fixing to come back and kick me in the ass, "It's me..."
She raised her head and looked at me,
"It has to be me. There's something wrong with me. No man has ever turned me down before...ever!"
Geez, I was wishing I hadn't come over. I was wishing I had the ka-hu-nas to just spit it out and be truthful. I glanced at the smoking hot brunette snuggled next to me. The negligee failed to conceal her perfect body from my eyes and I found my mind starting to whirl out of control. Sammi folded one leg beneath her and laid the other across my lap and my hand instinctively found a resting place on her thigh. I cleared my throat,
"Sammi, It's just me. I don't hold anything against you. I have no bad feelings about what happened last night. Really, don't feel this way. It's all me."
She worked her tiny hand inside my shirt and twirled her fingers through my chest hair,
"Well Rusty, it's really not normal for a man to turn down an opportunity to be intimate with a woman who so willingly makes herself available," She stared me straight in the eye, "Are you gay?"
I felt my body jerk and I lifted my hand from her thigh then quickly laid it back where it was to prove my point. I boomed my reply in a louder than necessary man-voice,
"By gawd, I'll guaran-damn-tee you I ain't gay! That's way off course...I'm as hetrosexual as any man on the planet!"
The brunette struggled to conceal a smile, moving her lips close to my cheek,
"Is it erectile disfunction?" she whispered. I knew she had a grin on her face.
"No! I work just fine!" I motioned toward her leg laying across my crotch, "as you can tell...it's working perfectly at the moment!"
Her lips moved even closer to my ear, so close I could feel them as they moved,
In one swift move I shifted her body down onto the couch and moved on top of her. Our lips were less than an inch apart as we peered into each other's eyes.
"I'm a perfectly normal, fully functional male." I whispered.
"Yes, I can tell that. So, tell me why...why did you turn me down?"
"Because I'm old fashioned. I like to have some feelings for someone before I have sex with them."
Sammi's eyes sparkled as she gently bit my chin.
"So you don't have any feeling for me?"
"Well of course I do..." My heart was beating rapidly in my chest and my male hormones were raging full blast.
"You do tonight but you didn't last night? See Cowboy, that's why men and women have sex. It makes them aware of their feelings. It enhances their feelings for each other."
I sighed. Perhaps I was just breathing heavy. Her hands grabbed my shirt and she roughly untucked it from my blue jeans. Her hands found their way across my back as she seemed to try to pull my body even closer to hers.
"Know what cowboy? We're not kids anymore...we're all grown up. We can do things just because we want to. We don't have to worry about what's right or wrong...we just do it because it's what men and women do."
I did not agree with her statement, but as her hands worked their way inside my jeans, I decided it best not to discuss it at that exact moment. She playfully bit me on the cheek.
"You're all wound up, aren't you?"
"Yes," I whispered as my hands moved across her body and down to her fine hiney.
:You want me now, don't you?"
"Yes, I want you now."
"You want me baaad, don't you?" She whispered as her tongue circled my ear.
My mind screamed, 'Enough! A little less talk and a lot more action...'
"I want you bad!" I growled softly in her ear.
Sammi flipped me over on the couch and positioned herself on top of me. She had an evil look in her eyes and a grin that didn't hide her clenched teeth. She took on the appearance of the daughter of the devil as she placed her hands on my chest.
"Well guess what cowboy...YOU CAN"T HAVE ME...not now...not ever!"
She raised her hands off my chest then slapped them soundly across it again as she pushed herself up off of me. She tossed her hair as she pulled the white robe up tight across her body and tied it. "So, that's your cue to leave now."
I backed my pickup out into the dark street and turned on my headlights. I was fuming at the woman but was even more pissed at myself. I had been in total control of the situation before I rang that doorbell. Not only had I stood my ground, I had kept the upper hand. As long as I never let Sammi gain control of the situation I had her in the palm of my hand. I had learned a long time ago that if a fella walks away from a woman before he sleeps with her, she is always just a phone call away...she would always keep the door open because there's unfinished business. "Damn, I hate it when that happens! Idiot! Idiot! Idiot! You know better than that...stay away from women like that!" I said outloud to no one in particular as I drove off into the darkness.